Freedom

I wonder if one day we all realize that we are obsolete.
We have no point, no place, and no obligation.
Except, to the people we have obligations to.
I guess that's how Suicide victims feel.Obsolete.
I never want to wake up and realize that I am.
Important to no one.
I blank face in a sea of people.
I worry that if I stay in Utah, I will become that.
I will dissapear, shrivel up until there's nothing left, but this hollow empty body.
I would have left years ago.
I should have left years ago.
The one place I needed so desperately to get out of, and I was too scared.
I'm still scared.
I'm not sure of what, but leaving scares me.
However, this time, I know I have no choice.
If I don't leave, I'm not sure If I will amount to anything.
Because it's always about amounting to something, right?
I'm not bred for this whole "find a home, a husband, and have a family."
I'm not made like that.
My body wants to be free, always.
I don't want to come home and make dinner for a family I never imagined I'd have
If I stay in Utah, I might be that way.
But I can't let myself become that.
So, this summer, I'm packing my bags and leaving.
No longer will I be held down by the suffocating walls of mounatains.
I seek freedom.

" meaning is sometimes hard to spot
it begins with the flickering of cigarettes
in the darkness of a dorm room
somewhere in the suffocated mid-west
and if this is real then i was mistaken
and if there is truth then why can't we find it?
beauty comes to those who have been waiting for something
bigger than themselves
this is the sound of the hopeless kids
as they scream from the basements of the houses of their parents
and this is the sound of the hopeless ones
as they stare down at their books
and realize they have been lied to"